Rescue Me
by Anne Bensler
Summary: Yes, another post-ep for Rescue (season 12, episode 10), when Olivia loses Calvin. But I think this is an original one. Olivia loses control just once without thinking of the consequences. Will her partnership with Elliot survive?
1. 1: Rescue

**Post-Rescue, season 12, episode 10. This will be several chapters but not nearly as long as some of my other stories.**

 **I know there have been several post-eps for this one over the years so I'm hoping this will be original enough. I've skimmed through other stories when I got the idea to write this, and I don't believe it's been done quite like this yet. Do let me know one way or the other. Rated M for a reason, right from the start! This picks up directly after the last shot of the episode, with Olivia on the verge of tears.**

...

 **1\. Rescue**

Her heart had just shattered into a million pieces. She was surprised she was still standing upright. Her entire body had gone completely numb except for the intense burning in her chest and behind her eyes.

She turned around slowly, away from the hallway where Calvin had just disappeared. Dragged off by his mother and some official from child protective services to go and live with grandparents he didn't even know. Her partner was still standing there. His blue eyes were fixed on her but she couldn't deal with him right now. Before he could say anything, she put up both her hands, palms out, to silence him. He had told her it was always supposed to be temporary and she knew that. She'd tried not to get too attached to the boy. It was Calvin's attachment to her that had struck her deeply.

She walked out of the squad room without a word, grabbing her coat on the way out.

…

She was sitting on the floor of her bathroom, back against the bathtub, wondering if the sobs would ever stop. She hadn't cried this hard in a long time. She could still hear Calvin's desperate cries. _Olivia! Please don't let them take me! Olivia!_ They echoed through her bathroom as if he was right there, screaming for her to help him.

Then she remembered Cragen's words. That Vivian signing Calvin over to her had been _a confused move by an addict being manipulated by a detective desperate to start her own family._ It wasn't what Cragen thought, or so she hoped, but what a jury would think. That's why she'd been ordered to stand down and not work the case anymore when Vivian turned out to be involved.

Elliot hadn't said anything after Calvin had been hauled off and she'd run off, understanding that she would need time to deal with what had just happened. She didn't need his 'I told you so's' or his pity. But deep down, she knew he was on her side. He was always on her side, even when she was wrong. He'd stood by her during this case and they were both being reprimanded for going against their Captain's direct orders. He would even have stood by her if she'd let Vivian walk so she could keep Calvin. She knew it. And she knew he would be there any moment now.

…

He knew she wouldn't want to let him in. But he also knew that she would anyway. In fact, she was probably expecting him. He'd stayed at the station a while longer after Olivia had run off. Cragen had told him they were both suspended without pay for a week for disobeying his orders. He assumed he would let his partner know and he assumed right.

He had been told to stand down because he'd had her back for over a decade. _Juries see how close partners get. Some are tighter than married couples._ That's what ADA Gillian Hardwicke had said. And she was right, too. They were close and he was feeling her pain and her despair. If she had let Vivian walk, he would have protected her. He would have lied for her. Calvin was a good kid and he hadn't seen her this happy, well, ever. He'd tried to warn her. Remind her that it was a temporary arrangement. But not because he didn't want her to be happy, or to be able to keep the boy. He just wanted to protect her, shield her from disappointment and pain because he knew she couldn't keep Calvin. Now, she'd been hurt anyway and he needed to be there for her.

He'd knocked on her door a few times but she wasn't answering. There was only one way to find out if she was even home, so he used his emergency key. The apartment was dark except for a faint glow coming from her bedroom. He walked over and saw that the light was in fact coming from her bathroom. The door was open and he walked into the bedroom so he could look into the bathroom. His heart broke for her again when he saw her.

…

She had just about gone through an entire roll of toilet paper when Elliot arrived. She heard him come in and had waited for him to find her. She was feeling raw and exposed as he stepped into her bathroom to help her stand up. She grabbed his upper arms and once she was standing he wrapped his arms around her protectively. She wanted to scream but didn't. In stead, she held on to her partner as if her life depended on it. He was whispering that it was okay, just like she'd done with Calvin right before he'd been ripped from her arms. She couldn't relax and remained stiff as a board. Elliot continued talking to her softly but she wasn't registering the words. He stroked her back gently until she finally loosened her grip on him. He tried to create some distance between them so he could look into her eyes, but she wouldn't let him. She didn't want to see his pity and concern. She didn't want to see and she didn't want to be seen. She only had the overwhelming urge to feel. She needed to feel something. Anything other than this pain inside her gut. That all-consuming feeling that everything she'd ever wanted in life would never, ever become a reality. She just needed to feel alive. To feel like she mattered to someone. To Elliot. To feel Elliot.

…

He felt something shift inside her and it was his turn to freeze. They were still holding on to each other but something was different. She was hardly moving but he felt it anyway. The way her body was beginning to melt into his. The way her arms moved up to grasp his shoulders from behind. The way she'd turned her face into the crook of his neck and was breathing on his skin now. He tried to look at her face again but she still resisted. He held his breath when he felt her warm mouth on the skin of his neck and a sound of shock came out of his throat when he felt her tongue on his skin and then her full lips again. She sighed and his hands moved down her back on their own accord, until they were on her ass. His body was beginning to respond to her touch and to the realization of how close she was and where he was touching her. He pulled her into him, knowing she would feel that he was getting aroused. He just couldn't help himself. When he turned his head again, she lifted hers. He tried to look into her eyes again but she kept hers closed while her mouth found his.

…

She kissed him hard and tried to block out all thoughts. She didn't want to listen to the voices in her head screaming at her that this was wrong. That they didn't do this. That he was her partner. That he was married. When he started returning the kiss, all the voices and other sounds were drowned out by the sound of her heartbeat in her ears, their heavy breathing and her own moans as their kiss heated up. He was moaning too and unadulterated lust coursed through her body. She just needed to feel. Him. All of him. She pushed him into the doorframe of the bathroom and her hands dropped to his belt. She unbuckled it quickly and pulled his shirt out of his dress pants. Elliot didn't stop her and when her hands found his muscular abdomen and chest underneath his shirt, he grunted something before ripping his mouth from hers to catch his breath.

…

The look in her brown eyes was one of pure lust. Her face was still puffy from crying and he remembered she'd been upset. She wasn't thinking straight and he should protect her from herself right now. But he wasn't thinking straight either anymore. His body was taking over and he had no defense against what her luscious body was doing to him. Her hands were all over his chest while her mouth was on his neck again. She was starting to unbutton his shirt and her mouth found its way down as more of his skin was exposed. He didn't even know what had happened to his tie. There was no stopping her and her intention was very clear. She had started undoing his pants and when she put her hand over him over his pants, the last bits of his restraint evaporated.

…

Her mind went practically blank when she felt the huge bulge in his pants. He definitely had something to back up his cocky attitude. She felt his hands move over her ass and then grab the hem of her dark blue turtleneck sweater. She lifted up her arms as he pulled it off her in one quick movement. His mouth was on her then, on her shoulder and her chest and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He picked her up and turned around towards her bed. As soon as he'd set her down, she was tugging at his pants again, and she managed to pull them down to his knees just before he pushed her onto her back. He kicked his pants of completely while Olivia pulled him in for another intense kiss. They were skin on skin and Elliot started pushing her pants down as well, never breaking the kiss.

…

As their clothes disappeared their movements became less frantic but not less intense. She felt his hands and his mouth everywhere. This is what she wanted to feel. To feel desirable. Wanted. Loved.

He felt her hands and her mouth everywhere. This is what he had dreamed of for years. Even during the day, when they were sitting across from each other at their desks, on next to each other in the squad car during stakeouts.

He was devouring her breasts and her back arched off the bed. She wanted to feel more of him. She wanted him inside her and she wanted it now. She could feel his erection bobbing against her inner thigh and she grabbed him again to spur him on.

He was drawn to her full breasts again and again. They were nothing like Kathy's. A small pang of guilt hit him at the thought but when he felt her grab his erect member it was gone as quickly as it had surfaced. She was rushing him but he wasn't objecting. He wasn't sure how long he would be able to hold out.

She pushed his shoulders away from her and when he paused briefly to check what she was doing, she flipped them both over so he was on his back and she was straddling him. His hands went back to her breasts automatically and they both moaned as she found the right position on top of him. She slid over him a few times, making sure they were both soaked before grabbing him again to bring them both in position.

Several swear words escaped him when she moved over him again and he felt her body grip him as he entered her for the very first time. She only let out a silent gasp and stilled for a few seconds before she lifted her lips and repeated the movement. It was easier now and Elliot started to move with her, his hands still squeezing her breasts while his eyes were on her face. She let her head loll back and to one side and her eyes were closed while her mouth was open.

Elliot tried to go slow but her eyes opened and he could see the fire there. She didn't want to go slow. She wanted it hard and rough. He grabbed her arms and flipped them over again.

He'd slipped out of her but before she could even think about it, he was thrusting into her again. He pushed one of her legs up until her knee was almost touching her chest, and she wrapped the other leg around him, hooking her heel behind his knee while he continued to slam into her.

She was panting and whispering several swear words with his name mixed in. He thought he could come from just the sight of her flushed face and chest and her parted lips whispering his name and saying yes to everything that he was doing to her.

He was pounding into her now, their bodies slamming into each other with more force each time. She squeezed her eyes shut as she squeezed her inner walls as well, intensifying the waves of pleasure that had started to build up inside her.

Her body was gripping him so tightly that there was no holding back. He was going to go over the edge and he couldn't stop it. He grunted loudly a few times as he pushed into her with more force to keep up the frantic pace and just as he felt himself release deep inside her, Olivia screamed and joined him in his extasy.

She had never had a man take her like this, hitting her deeper than ever before and making her scream. They both moaned and sighed as they rode out the intense orgasm together. Elliot flipped them over once again and as Olivia lay on his chest he enveloped her in his arms. He could still feel the contractions of her body around him and he was still high on his orgasm as her body stilled on his heaving chest.

…

They didn't speak. After a few minutes, after she'd caught her breath, Olivia got up to go to the bathroom. Elliot wasn't sure what he should do. So he did nothing and waited for her to come back out. When she came out of the bathroom, she had put on a long t-shirt. She got into bed again and lay on her side, looking at him. Elliot wanted to reach out to her and touch her face, but she pulled away, turning on her other side. He suppressed a sigh. She had turned her back on him. He wondered if she expected him to stay. He should ask her. He should ask her if she was okay. Before he could say anything, he got his answer.

"Elliot. Go home."

…

 **A/N: Not the beginning you'd expect from me, right? Any ideas what will happen next?**

 **And no, I'm not abandoning Partners for Life. A lot of chapters to go on that one! I just needed to do something else to overcome my writer's block on that one.**


	2. 2: Guilt

**2\. Guilt**

He had wanted to talk to her. To address what had just happened between them and what it meant. But when she'd ignored him, he had fled the scene like the coward that he was. She had remained completely still in bed while he had retrieved his clothes from the bedroom and the bathroom. When he stood next to the bed after getting dressed, silent, looking down at her, she hadn't even acknowledged his presence. That was when the guilt had started to wash over him. He'd left.

His car was still parked in front of her building but he needed some air. His hands tucked deep in the pockets of his coat, he had started walking. He wasn't even sure which street he was currently on. He felt like he was carrying an anvil on his back. He had come to see her to comfort her. To listen to her and just be there for her. He hadn't come over to pounce on her like he had, like a horny teenager. He had taken advantage of her moment of weakness. He had lost his self-control and had given in to his desire for his partner. In stead of comforting her and listening to her, he had grabbed her, taken her to bed and fucked her. There was no other word to describe what he'd done and he was ashamed of himself. He had betrayed her trust. How could he ever look her in the eye again? How could she ever trust him again?

...

When he'd reached for her, she had turned away. She knew what he was going to say. He was going to say he couldn't stay. That was when the guilt had started to wash over her. She had remained silent to give him space. So he could leave. So he could go back to his wife and children. She exhaled and turned on her back when she heard her front door close. She could still feel his hands on her body. His mouth on hers. The way he had filled her completely and had given her everything she had needed. But she shouldn't have taken it from him. She had taken advantage of him in her moment of weakness. She had known he would never refuse her. She'd seen it in his eyes. It was the reason they always kept each other at arms length. To stay away from temptation, because he was taken. But she had tempted him tonight and he had given in. She felt like there was an anvil on her chest. She had seduced a married man. Her best friend. She had ruined everything and she knew he would never forgive her. How could he ever trust her again?

...

He was looking out over the Hudson river, gripping the railing he was standing behind. He had walked for at least an hour and he was thinking about his wife for the first time since he'd left Olivia's apartment. The realization only added to his guilt. He hadn't given her a second thought while he was devouring his partner. He would have to go home at some point but his wife wasn't his main concern. He wasn't worried about the wary looks she'd give him. She was always looking at him like that. Like he should be apologizing for something. For coming home late. For coming home early. For not coming home at all. For sleeping with her or for not sleeping with her. He never apologized. He'd gotten used to it.

No, he wasn't worried about the looks his wife would give him. He was worried about how _she_ would see him now. Olivia. His partner and his best friend. He had ruined everything and he wasn't sure if there was a way to fix this. He could still feel her hands on his body. Her mouth on his. The way they had fitted together perfectly and the way she had said yes so many times while he buried himself deep inside her, time and time again. He wanted her. God, he wanted her, again. But he wouldn't be so rough with her. He wanted to make love to her. To caress her and hold her and let her know he would never leave her side. It wasn't going to happen. Not now. She was never supposed to be his affair. She deserved so much better than that. She deserved a better man than he was. He hated himself.

...

She was still awake, staring up at the ceiling. Each time she turned in bed, she smelled him. His cologne, his shampoo and his sweat. He was everywhere. Each time she closed her eyes, she saw him. The way he had towered over her as he plunged himself deep inside her. The way his muscles had bulged with each powerful movement. The way sweat had tricked down his forehead. The way his mouth had hung open as he reached his climax. She sat up in bed and decided to take a shower. To wash him off of her. To wash her sins away. She was guilty. She still felt guilty after a long hot shower. And yet she wanted him. God, she wanted him, again. But she wouldn't want it to be so rough. She wanted to make love to him. To caress him and hold him and let him know that she loved him. That she would always love him. It wasn't going to happen. Not now. She was never supposed to be his affair. He was married and needed to be with his family. She had made him a cheater. She hated herself.

...

He had walked all the way back to his car. To her building. He was freezing and his fingers were numb as he fumbled with his keys. He looked up at her apartment. It was dark. He wondered if she was still awake. He wanted to reach out to her. But he had nothing to give her. He would need to fix that, if there was any hope of fixing anything now. He pulled his phone out and typed her a text, to let her know they'd been suspended for a week. He hadn't even told her that. They hadn't had a decent conversation. There had been nothing decent about his visit to her apartment. He needed to fix it.

...

She was sitting on her couch in the living room, curled up in the dark. She'd found Calvin's backpack and had started crying again. Silently. She was alone again. She felt more alone than she ever had before. She heard her phone buzz but she wasn't going to read the text he'd sent her. She didn't need his apologies. She shouldn't have forced herself on him. She was the one who should apologize, but he would probably want to apologize to her anyway. For not being able to stay. Because of his family. She knew. Her phone kept staring at her and in the end her curiosity won out. The knot in her stomach grew a few inches when she read the text. He was all business. Letting her know they'd both been suspended without pay for a week. The message he had _not_ sent was coming in loud and clear. They weren't going to talk about it. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass. She didn't have to get up early the next day so she might as well drink herself to sleep.

...

 **A/N: You guys still love me after this? :)  
I know this chapter is rather short but I want to do one chapter for each theme in the story.  
**


	3. 3: Distance

**3\. Distance**

Elliot used his week off to do some chores around the house and spend time with Eli. Kathy had been very annoyed to learn that _naturally_ he had been suspended because he had broken the rules to help his _partner_. He hadn't said a word about it after letting her know they had both been suspended and why. He wasn't going to go into the details of the case and his reasons for supporting Olivia. They were all wrong anyway. He would have helped her get custody of a child because she was all alone without any family to speak of. He would have helped her because he wanted good things to happen in her life. He would have helped her because she deserved to be happy. He would have helped her because he loved her ...

In stead of helping her, he had destroyed their friendship and the trust that had always existed between them. She had not responded to his text and he knew she wouldn't contact him in any way. So he just went about his chores and took Eli to the park. He ignored Kathy's stares and after a few days, Kathy started ignoring him.

...

Olivia spent most of her mornings in bed. She drank too much and ate too little, resulting in a splitting headache that lasted several days. She slept in short intervals, waking up in a cold sweat after dreaming about Elliot or Calvin. It was mostly Elliot. She managed to drag herself outside to get some groceries but she lived mostly on takeout again anyway. There was nobody to cook for. She dreaded having to go back to work and face her partner. It was pretty obvious that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Maybe she should ask Cragen for a partner switch. But he was going to ask why and she couldn't give him an answer. What was she going to say? I screwed my married partner and now he can't stand to be around me anymore? And did she really want to do this job without him?

Her stomach was doing backflips when she walked into the squad room on their first day back after suspension. He was already there, sitting at his desk and flipping through a case file. He glanced up when she walked past him to her own desk.

...

Munch was providing a welcome distraction, greeting Olivia enthusiastically and asking her how her vacation had been. They all knew they'd been punished and it hadn't been a vacation but there was no need to drag that up. They had done their time and Munch for one was glad to have them both back. Elliot watched her as she sat down and picked up a file from her desk. She was avoiding looking at him and he didn't want to push her. They would be working together again soon and hopefully, they would be able to get some of the tension out of the way. She didn't look good. She was pale and seemed tired. She had probably been alone all week, wallowing in her loss of Calvin. And him ... If only he hadn't stomped on everything they had built up over the years at the beginning of their week off. He could have kept her company, could have taken her out for a walk or a movie. Anything to ease the pain. In stead, he had only added to her pain and loneliness. All because he had been selfish and had taken advantage of her vulnerability. He needed to fix this. He didn't know how but he had to try. He owed her that much. He owed her.

...

She knew he'd been looking her way. She was waiting for her stomach to settle down. She had no idea what the case file was about that she was reading but at least it gave her something to focus on. She didn't need to see the accusation in his eyes. She had an idea how he'd spent his week with his family, feeling guilty for cheating on his wife. And she was to blame for making him feel that way. She knew that and she didn't need to see it in his eyes or hear it in his voice. She would just do her job and make sure he could go home on time at night. At least she would do something to make things right. She had missed him, too much, over the past week. But knowing that he was home where he belonged, strengthening his family ties, had been a small consolation. He was where he belonged and she was alone. As it should be. She would make sure he got to spend more time with his family. She owed him that much. She owed him.

...

They worked on the same cases but split up regularly. Elliot would be out in the field with Fin while Olivia was chasing another lead or was interviewing victims. They didn't spend time together outside work anymore. If one of them joined the gang for drinks, the other one would go home early. If they talked at all, it was about the case at hand. They still closed cases. They were still in sync when they were investigating. It was all they had left.

As time went by, it became easier to block out the memory of their transgression while they were on the job. The initial tension subsided and was replaced by a cold kind of understanding. Their friendship was dead. They were co-workers doing their jobs. They pretended it had never happened. He didn't ask how she was doing since Calvin and she didn't ask about his family.

...

Elliot felt dead inside. He couldn't deal with this much longer. Olivia was distant and professional. She was still a rock to the victims they dealt with but as soon as she turned around, she turned into ice. Her interrogations were becoming grim. He had actually seen fear in the eyes of suspects and perps that were unfortunate enough to find her on the other side of the table in the interrogation room. Cragen had asked him if he knew what was going on with his partner. He had tried to brush it off, saying she must still be upset about Calvin, but he knew Cragen wasn't buying it. He wasn't doing any better and he knew it. He'd become moody and was taking it out on anyone who got in his way. Munch was keeping his distance but Fin wasn't one to shy away from confrontation. He'd actually punched him one night, outside in the parking lot, after Elliot had yelled at him for nothing one time too many. Elliot hadn't hit him back, figuring he had deserved a beating for treating Olivia like shit. Kathy had actually feigned worry when he came home with the dark bruise on his jaw. That was when he decided it was time. He told his wife they needed to talk.

...

Olivia felt dead inside. She couldn't deal with this much longer. Elliot was professional but he was brooding. They were still getting the job done but if she didn't know any better, she would think he actually hated her. Could he have come clean at home? Would Kathy kick him out if he did? Would she still let him work with her if she decided to give him another chance? She couldn't imagine it. She certainly wouldn't. She missed him. She never knew that it was possible to miss someone so badly while they were right there next to you. But she wasn't going to let him see that. She buried herself in paperwork and told him to go home while she finished up. Sometimes he'd say thanks and leave. Sometimes he'd ignore her and continue working. If they happened to finish up at the same time, he'd walk her out, tell her to be safe and be off. Cragen had asked her if she knew what was going on with her partner. She had tried to brush it off, saying that he probably had a sick kid at home, but she knew Cragen wasn't buying it. She wasn't doing any better and she knew it. She just didn't have the energy to put on an act and pretend that there was nothing wrong. Because there was. Everything was wrong. Because _they_ were wrong.

...

Weeks were turning into months and Elliot was relieved that he'd survived the holidays with his family. Things had been strained to say the least, but he and Kathy had outdone themselves to make this Christmas a happy occasion, for all their children to meet each other and spend time together in their family home. It was important for all of them, but especially for Eli and the twins, who still lived at home. He wanted them to have happy memories and to have strong family ties. It shouldn't matter where they all lived. They were a family and nothing could change that. He guessed all the older children knew something was up. Only little Eli, at only three years old, had no idea. They would have to tell them at some point. But not during the holidays. Having a few days off to spend with his children gave him a brief reprieve from the loneliness he felt whenever Olivia was near. He never knew that it was possible to miss someone so badly while they were right there next to you.

...

Olivia had always hated the holidays. She hardly had any happy childhood memories of the December festivities. This year, it was even worse. The squad had spread out, each one of them off to celebrate the new year with their family and other loved ones. Melinda Warner had invited her over to a modest new year bash. Their medical examiner hardly ever made personal comments but she had made an exception for Olivia. Told her she looked terrible lately. She had laughed out loud, finding Melinda's honesty refreshing. In the end, she had accepted the invitation and actually welcomed the new year in the arms of Warner's tall, dark and handsome cousin Jackson. Jackson worked in construction and he constituted a great short term escape plan. He was a straightforward, no nonsense kind of guy in conversations as well as in the bedroom and gave her a brief reprieve from her solitary confinement. As soon as the holidays were over, so was her involvement with Jackson. She would have to go back to work, where she would be alone once again.

...

 **More?**


	4. 4: Acting

**4\. Acting**

The only normal conversation they'd had over the past months had been on Skype while Elliot was in Quantico. They had actually been kind of cordial. But then again, the conversation had been in public. He'd told her to be safe and had offered to come back early to watch her back in the tough case she was working on. Because Fin might have her six, but he definitely wasn't him. Fin told him he was better, since he actually watched her back and not her backside. If it hadn't been so painful, that would actually have been funny. And then Elliot came back right after Sonya's death and he'd held her. Their defenses had been down for a few minutes. It had almost been like before. Almost. And that very brief glimpse into the friendship they had once had, had actually helped Olivia relax a little around him. It had felt different after that. Better. Not good, but not as bad as it used to be.

...

He had dreaded this moment. It had been inevitable. They were bound to pick up a case like this eventually. One where they would have to pose as a couple to get a break in the case. He had known as soon as the swing club had come up on the big screen, and he was forcing himself to keep his eyes on the screen. Olivia was standing next to him and was no doubt coming to the same conclusion, that they would have to go in together. He almost jumped when she turned to him and asked him how he wanted to play it. She had actually smiled slightly. If she could do this, so could he. After all, they had been putting on an act for four months now. They were going to say that their vic, their good friend Jerry, had invited them, so they could take a good look around and possibly find Jerry's attacker. Olivia said she would need to go home to change so he offered to pick her up. She told him 'fine' and took off, leaving him to think about the new performance that was now expected of them. A married couple looking for a sexual adventure. He blew out a breath slowly and also left to change.

...

She had dreaded this moment. It had been inevitable. They were bound to be sent out as a couple eventually. She had the act of the distant partner down pat so it was time to flex a new muscle and play the loving wife who needed more than what her husband had to offer. She wondered if it was some kind of karma. She put her fake wedding ring on her finger once again and sighed. She worried that the dress might be a bit too much. But she wasn't dressing up for Elliot. It was for the case. They had to be convincing. She jumped when he knocked on her door. They had been distant for months but the thought of having him so close to her suddenly was making her nervous. Would he even want to touch her after what she'd done? Wouldn't everyone be able to see that in reality he didn't want to come near her?

...

He was actually nervous. After keeping his distance for so long, he wasn't sure how to act around her. Would she even want to touch him after what he'd done? Wouldn't everyone be able to see that in reality she didn't want to come near him? His mind went blank briefly when she opened the door. His eyes were drawn to her ample cleavage immediately and he remembered. As if he'd ever forgotten. Her softness, her curves, her skin, her taste as he'd sucked her nipples ... Olivia cleared her throat and his eyes flicked up to meet hers. Was she amused? He was at a loss for words. She was so beautiful, with just the right amount of makeup and her long hair spilling down to her shoulders in waves. Everyone would notice her as soon as she'd walk into that club. And he would be walking next to her, as her husband.

He held on to her hand for as long as possible. He wasn't comfortable at all to let all the sex craving men in the club loose on his beautiful partner. She might be done with him but he wasn't going to let anyone get frisky with her. But when a couple approached her and she turned around to talk to them, he had no choice. He had to let go of her hand. They needed to stay in character, and their characters were into this. Their vic's apparent swing partner Cassandra soon swept him away as well and took him into a different room.

...

She was actually relieved that they had split up so she could focus entirely on the job at hand. She managed to get some information from the excited couple that was trying to get her into their swing action. She excused herself a while later, not entirely comfortable with the way the man had kept touching her bare shoulder. Maybe a strapless dress hadn't been the best idea after all. She wasn't used to the touchy-feely atmosphere and usually she would have no trouble shooting a man down who got too close too fast. But that wasn't her act tonight. She would stand out immediately if she became too defensive. After shaking off the couple, she went to find Elliot. She found him with the beautiful Cassandra in one of the play rooms and it seemed Cassandra was really into Elliot. She felt a stab of jealousy when she saw that she'd unbuttoned several buttons of his shirt and was caressing his bare chest, while his hand was squeezing her ass. How seriously was he taking this assignment? She thought he might ram his tongue down her throat any moment now. Hadn't they agreed they were just going to watch their first time?

...

Cassandra was beautiful. There was no denying that. But he really wasn't into this extramarital sex thing. Well, not like this. And not with Cassandra. She was all over him though and he couldn't help it that his body did have a reaction to the atmosphere and the way the woman was touching him and pressing her body into his. He figured it would only make his act more convincing and went along with it. Just when Cassandra started kissing his neck with her full red lips, he saw Olivia coming into the play room. There was no way to push the horny woman off him without raising suspicion so he looked at Olivia, hoping she would see the plea in his eyes. She would have to rescue him by interrupting them.

...

There was something sexy about Elliot in a compromising position, begging for her help. Maybe it was the atmosphere and the smell of sex but Olivia was feeling the power and was enjoying it. She walked right past the couple and sat down on the sofa, about two feet away from them. Cassandra spotted her too and smiled at her while peppering Elliot's jaw with small kisses. Her hand was still inside his shirt. She told her that her husband was truly irresistible and Olivia agreed that he was. Cassandra asked her if it was turning her on to see her husband with another woman, and Olivia said it was. When Cassandra beckoned her to come closer, she complied, mirroring Cassandra's position exactly and pressing herself against Elliot's body as well.

...

Both women were looking at him and Elliot didn't know what to do. Olivia's hand was now inside his shirt as well, the women's arms crossing each other in front of him so they could both reach the pecs on the other side of his body. When Cassandra kissed his neck again, Olivia did the same on his other side. She was acting. She had to do it, he kept telling himself. Cassandra reached up and turned his head so he was facing her, and kissed him full on the lips. He joined in. He had to do it. He was acting too and Olivia knew that, right? When Cassandra broke off the kiss, she looked at Olivia. It was obvious that the woman wanted Olivia to kiss him next. Her next move blew him away.

...

She couldn't deny that it was getting to her. She was actually getting aroused. The feeling of Elliot's strong muscles under her hand had brought back the memories of their one night stand. She had a full-blown flashback while Cassandra was kissing him and her body was now on high alert. She could do this, right? Elliot was playing the part without hesitation, so she could too. She reached for Cassandra's bare shoulder and smiled at the woman in green. She leaned in and could see in Cassandra's eyes that she understood what she was going to do. Cassandra smirked and leaned in as well, her lips parting in anticipation of what was to come. Olivia moved her hand up to cup the back of Cassandra's neck and kissed her ever so softly. She could feel Elliot tense up between them and smiled when she kissed the other woman again. Cassandra moaned and wrapped her hand around Olivia's neck to deepen their kiss. Cassandra's other hand dropped from Elliot's chest and went to her waist, and then further up Olivia's body. It seemed that the only man in their little threesome was totally forgotten.

...

Elliot thought he'd died and gone to heaven. Having both women come on to him had been exciting yet uncomfortable but this ... A soft 'wow' escaped his lips as he watched the two beautiful women kiss and touch each other, right in his lap. He never thought he'd see the day that Olivia would kiss a woman like that and it was a big turn-on. He glanced down at the growing bulge in his dress pants. A very, very big turn-on. Both women were really into it and were moaning as their tongues were dancing together and their hands roamed their bodies. But as sexy as it was to witness, after a minute he was beginning to feel left out. Olivia had probably wanted to rescue him from the other woman but she was getting all the action now, and he only got to watch. Shouldn't he rescue her in return?

...

She couldn't deny that there was something very sexy about kissing this woman. She was soft and tasted sweet. But while she was kissing and touching Cassandra, she was focused on Elliot and his reaction to their little show. He had cleared his throat twice, obviously trying to get their attention but Cassandra was too caught up in their sensual dance to notice. Olivia moved the hand that had somehow ended up on Cassandra's breast and put it on Elliot's thigh. He jumped at the contact and Olivia smiled. Cassandra broke off the intense kiss to look at Olivia, probably to see why she was smiling. She looked down at her hand on Elliot's thigh and smiled as well. Then she placed her hand on Elliot's other thigh. Both women moved their hands up until they reached his crotch, and smiled at him seductively.

...

Elliot held his breath. Only in his wildest dreams had he ever found himself in this position. Only, in his dreams, he would know what to do. He didn't feel as clumsy as he was right now. Before he could focus on his next action, Olivia saved him again. She moved back next to him on the sofa and moved one leg up until it covered his lap. Her knee was nudging his hard-on and he grunted at the contact, but before he realized what was happening, Olivia's mouth was on his. His entire system short-circuited and his instinct took over. He returned her kiss passionately and pulled her into his lap completely, until she was straddling him. They had pushed Cassandra out of the way in the process, and the woman scooted over to give them some room, while watching intently what they were doing. This was the easy part for him. He could read Olivia's body like the back of his hand, because that one time he'd been allowed to be with her, was etched in his brain forever. She was melting into him, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck now, while they continued kissing each other, panting in between kisses before delving into each others mouths again. She was pressing her body into him and his erection was becoming painful. He wasn't sure how long he could keep doing this before he'd embarrass himself in public.  
Then, just as quickly as it had started, it was over.

...

Olivia struggled to remember why they were here. Images of Elliot's naked body pounding into her kept flashing through her mind while they kissed. It had been four months but it might just as well have been yesterday. His hands were gripping her hips and she knew he was struggling as well. She knew they were acting but she couldn't help wondering how much of this was really them. She knew that a lot of it was really her, but was this Elliot or was it Detective Stabler playing his part? She was about to save them both by breaking up their make-out session and saying she wanted to go home. She'd know the answer to her question once they got outside. Perhaps it was finally time to talk about it. When Elliot pushed his erection into her dress once more, she was tempted to just keep going. But they had to get out of there. They couldn't do this. Not here. They shouldn't do this at all. So she broke off the kiss and whispered in Elliot's ear, loud enough for Cassandra to hear, that she wanted him to take her home, right now.

...

She was smart. A lot smarter than he was. While testosterone had taken him over completely, she was the one who still had a plan. And it was perfect. She had put on an amazing show with Cassandra, and there would be no doubt in anyone's mind about why they had come to the club tonight. He had just been an accessory and he was humbled by how much Olivia was willing to do to crack a case. He knew it had been an act but he couldn't help wondering how much of this was really them. He knew that a lot of it was really him, but was this Olivia or was it Detective Benson playing her part? He helped her get up from the couch and as they stood, Cassandra gave them both a sultry smile, saying how sorry she was to see them leave already but that she understood and she hoped to see them both again very soon. They promised they'd be back and retreated quickly, acting like they were unable to keep their hands to themselves much longer. For him, it wasn't an act. He was back in her bedroom all over again and he wanted her. God, he wanted her. But it couldn't happen again like it had before. It wasn't fair to her. He didn't have anything to offer her back then. But he was working on it. He was going to make it all up to her. He just couldn't tell her yet because she would stop him. She might even run. By the time he was done, he would be free to run after her, wherever she might run to. He glanced at her as they put on their coats. She hadn't said a word to him since she'd told him to take her home.

...

Olivia was trying to get her body to calm down. She knew she wasn't going to get much sleep tonight. She'd been back in her bedroom all over again and she wanted him. God, she wanted him. But it couldn't happen again like it had before. It wasn't right. He had his family and they needed him. She expected that he'd found his rhythm again with his family over the past few months. At least he hadn't treated her as filth tonight. He hadn't been reluctant to touch her and she was relieved. Maybe they could go back to some kind of friendlier understanding, after the cold months they'd had. She could feel his eyes on her and she wondered if he blamed her for what she'd done tonight. Surely he could see that there had been no other way to make a convincing exit from the club? As they walked out into the cool night air, she sighed. If he wanted to call her on it, she would understand. But he didn't. He just asked her if she was okay. She was. She was fine. He hailed them a cab and gave the driver her address. Olivia took a few deep breaths, glad to be tucked away in her winter coat so Elliot wouldn't notice. By the time they reached her building, she had calmed down enough to be able to have a conversation.

...

Elliot didn't know what to say to her. She'd said she was fine. What else did he expect? He was relieved that she hadn't been reluctant to touch him. But he wondered if she blamed him for what she'd had to do tonight. She had been the one with the plan and he'd felt completely useless. He should tell her she did good. By the time they reached her building, his body had calmed down enough that he was able to say it. As the cab pulled over, he looked at his partner and told her she had done a great job tonight and he thanked her for getting them out of there with their cover in tact.

...

Olivia nodded. That was it? You did great and thanks for getting us out of there? Fine. If that was all he was going to say, she was done. She said she'd see him tomorrow and they could compare notes at the station. Then she got out of the cab, told him goodnight and slammed the door shut.

...

Elliot watched her walk away and felt guilty again. He could have said more to her. Asked if he could come up so they could talk. But he knew she wouldn't let him come up. Not after what happened. He felt useless again. He had to make it up to her. All of it. He just had to.

...

Olivia cried herself to sleep. After all this time, he could still hurt her so deeply. While he'd been acting the whole time, she had allowed herself to get hurt again. She ached for him and hated herself for it. She wasn't sure how long she could keep doing this. Maybe it was time to find another job. She'd tried before but she couldn't stay away then. Things were different now. Everything was different now. What was the use of getting up in the morning every day, knowing she'd see him but would still miss him so much? It was torture and she wondered why she kept subjecting herself to it so willingly. Why was she still hanging around, as if there was any hope left for something better?

...

 **A/N: Don't you hate the way they never really talk to each other? Frustrating, huh? Any ideas what Elliot is up to?**


	5. 5: Decisions

**So far, I have tried to blend this story in with the actual show but as of this chapter I will alter the timeline a little to suit my storyline. Writer's prerogative :)  
Also, to emphasize the lack of communication between our two favorite people, there has not been a single line of dialogue in this story yet. When will they finally start communicating? I'm sure you will be able to tell.  
**

...

 **5\. Decisions**

They solved the case, just like they always did. They never spoke about that night at the club. Just like they had never spoken about that night after she'd lost Calvin. Olivia had become distant again and Elliot wondered if maybe he should have told her after all what he'd been up to lately. His marriage had been nothing but a charade for years and he'd finally told Kathy he wanted out. It was the first time _he_ was pulling the plug in stead of his wife. He'd tried. He really had, after he got her pregnant with Eli. But if they were completely honest, nothing had changed for the better. They were agreeing on that now, finally. They had filed for a divorce a week before Christmas and now, five months later, the paperwork was almost done at last. They had had several meetings with their divorce attorney, in which details were discussed and agreed upon. The twins had just turned 18 in February and Elliot had agreed to give Kathy custody of Eli, because she was home the most. He would be allowed to visit him whenever he wanted and have Eli stay over with him, if he gave notice on time for Kathy to arrange it. She promised him she wouldn't keep his son away from him and he believed her.

Elliot had moved to his new apartment in Manhattan. It wasn't big but it had two bedrooms. It was just big enough for him and Eli. He had left work early regularly for their appointments with the attorney and to get the place cleaned up, painted and furnished. He was pleased with the end result. It hadn't become a typical man cave but it had his personal touch to it, and he thought he'd feel at home there soon. There was only one thing left to do now.

...

They had never spoken about that night at the club and Olivia had accepted after a few days that this was what it was going to be. Get the job done and go home. Her home was empty. One would expect that she would be used to that by now. She had lived alone her whole adult life, except for those weeks when Calvin had lived with her. But her apartment had felt more empty than ever before after he had been taken away from her. After that night.

Elliot had been going home early regularly and she guessed things were going well at home. She would have to guess because they never talked about it anymore. They never talked about anything anymore. He seemed pleased with himself lately though, so things must be all good. Maybe crossing the line with her had helped him realize what was really important in life. In that case, she was happy to have been of service. Only she wasn't happy. She had thought about doing something else but SVU had become such a big part of who she was and what she stood for, that she just couldn't do it. They rotated partners regularly, which was a relief in a way. She tried to tell herself she could focus on the cases better without him. It wasn't true though. They were still the best when they worked together. On some level, they still clicked. Just not on all the other levels.

...

Crossing the line with Olivia had helped him realize what was really important in life. He'd told her once that family was everything. But it wasn't the whole truth. Love and family were everything. People who had both, were the luckiest people alive. But people who had a family but no love, weren't happy at all. It hadn't just been sex with Olivia. If it had been, he would have been able to stop. He'd realized that when they were at the club. He would have had no trouble breaking things off with Cassandra - gentlemanly - if it had come to that. It had not been so easy with Olivia. And it had been nearly impossible when they had been alone at her place. The only way he could have stopped was if she had asked him to. Because it was so much more than sex. He loved her. He loved everything about her and he had the overwhelming desire to absorb all of her pain and sorrow. He had tried to do that by giving her what she had asked for, but in doing so at the wrong time, he had only added to her pain. He hoped that she would be able to forgive him and accept the sacrifice he was about to make for her.

...

Of all the trying cases they had dealt with over the years, Olivia knew that this really was one that would stand out for years to come, and for more than one reason. It was a homicide but SVU was investigating anyway because the victim was 'their' rape victim, whose trial was about to begin. The victim's daughter had witnessed the murder and had asked for her and Elliot by name. Poor Jenna. The young girl had been traumatized for life. They were both dedicated to solving Annette's murder as well as getting her rapist behind bars at last, and Olivia knew they were in sync in their determination to give Jenna some kind of closure. No one could have anticipated how things would end so abruptly on that ordinary Wednesday in May, in the middle of their squad room. The gun shots were still ringing in her ears. She thought she should be used to the sound after all these years, but this had been so different. She'd felt like they had all been caught in a movie or a bad dream. A nightmare.

They had all been questioned at length by IAB and by the special team of detectives assigned to the case. They were all involved as witnesses and Elliot also as one of the shooters, so they were to keep their distance from the ongoing investigation. Cragen had sent everyone who had witnessed the shooting home for two days, and they would all have to report for a psych eval before they would be cleared for active duty. She'd seen Elliot leave. Despite the poor state of their partnership, her heart went out to him. It had been a good shoot. She was sure it would be ruled as such. But it would never make it right in Elliot's eyes that he had killed a teenager, even though it meant she hadn't been able to take another life after she had started shooting blindly. A good shoot with a horrible outcome. She wanted to talk to him but she wasn't sure how to approach him. They didn't talk anymore. Not about personal things.

...

He'd downed about half a bottle of scotch before he picked up his phone and hit number two on speed dial. After the day he'd had, he might as well get this over with too. His initial plan hadn't been this drastic but given the circumstances, it was probably for the best. Cragen would understand. He would ask him to think about it, and to please his Captain he would say he would. They had all been sent home for two days, but while the shooting was being investigated, he knew he'd be benched. It would take a lot longer than two days. He would take the time to get all his affairs in order, and call Cragen back in a week or two. He didn't need to think about it though. His mind had been made up months ago. He had to do it, if he wanted half a chance to make things right with Olivia.

Cragen told him he understood. And in part, he probably did. The other part was none of his business. Although he would probably understand that as well. Elliot promised his Captain he would get some rest and think about it before making it official. Cragen told him to take care of himself and he said he would. After ending the call with his boss, he picked up the envelope that was sitting on his coffee table. It was his copy of their divorce file. It included the letter stating it had been finalized a few days earlier, on the same day Annette Fox had been shot. Friday the thirteenth. He was glad he wasn't superstitious. He put the envelope back on the coffee table and took his wedding ring off. He slipped it into the envelope and folded it so it couldn't fall out. He pulled out the small drawer in his coffee table and put the envelope in. He closed the drawer and picked up his glass again. He sat back on his dark blue leather couch and sighed. He took another sip and closed his eyes. What a day. What a week. What a year.

...

She'd sent him a text. It was the most neutral way she could think of to reach out to him without forcing him to answer her.

 _'How are you holding up?'_

She hadn't expected to get a text back so quickly, and her eyebrows shot up in surprise when she read it.

 _'Making decisions.'_

What kind of decisions? He wasn't going to do anything drastic, was he? She suddenly had a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach. What kind of decisions?

 _'Wanna talk about it?'_

Her hands were trembling and her heart was pounding wildly in her chest. She had to remember to keep breathing while waiting for his reply. If he was even going to send ananswer. After three minutes and forty-three seconds, she typed another message.

 _'If you need to talk, I'm here.'_

She got a reply then.

 _'I know.'_

...

It had been the most personal conversation they'd had in six months. If you could call this little exchange of text messages a conversation. He had been tempted to tell her. But he didn't want to do it in a text message. He didn't even want to do it over the phone. It would have to be in person and he could only hope she would be able to forgive him for keeping her out of the loop for so long. Everything would need to be ready so she wouldn't have even he slightest chance to interfere or try to change his mind. These were his decisions to make, no one else's. And while she might think she wasn't worth it, she was to him. She was worth it. _They_ were worth it. And he'd willingly spend the rest of his life trying to prove that to her.

...

She'd been back at work for a little over a week. There had been a new addition to the team. Amanda Rollins from Atlanta. Maybe having another woman in the squad would be a good thing. Olivia had asked Cragen if he had heard from Elliot but he was being vague about it. He did let her know that, since it had been Elliot's sixth shooting, IAB was now looking at his entire jacket. She'd gotten angry about that. It was a good shoot and they all knew it.  
She hadn't been ready for the bomb that Cragen dropped on her a few days later. Elliot had put his papers in.

She knew he'd earned it. And then some, as Cragen had put it. He'd been a cop long enough to get a full pension. She just never thought it would happen like this. They were going to grow old on the job together and then retire together. At least in her mind they were. And now he was leaving her? No no, he was leaving the force. Not her. He was never _with_ her. So this was what he meant when he said he was making decisions. All the color had drained from her face and Cragen asked if she needed a day. She didn't. She just needed to get on with her life. If she hadn't gotten the message yet over the past six months, she was receiving it loud and clear now. He was done with her. They were over. For good.

She ducked into an empty interrogation room and broke down crying, finally allowing herself to mourn. To mourn the loss of their partnership, the loss of their friendship and the loss of the man she loved with all her heart.

...

...

 **A/N: So now we know what Elliot has been up to. What do you think of this alternative story behind his retirement?**  
 **Up next: will they finally TALK and will Olivia want to listen?**


	6. 6: Talking

**FYI: the change in the timeline is just the time between the shooting and El putting his papers in. In my story, there's only about two weeks in between while it took months on the show. Couldn't delay it even longer in this story, so here we are.**

...

 **6\. Talking**

He had been waiting across the street. He had no idea what time she'd get home. Maybe she was pulling an all-nighter. But he was ready - or as ready as he'd ever be - so he would wait. It was almost 9 PM and there was still no sign of her. After several cups of coffee he really needed to take a leak and he ducked into an ally quickly to relieve the pressure on his bladder. When he got back into his car, he glanced up at her window. It was still dark and the curtains were still open. He would need to check both the door and the window for a few minutes to make sure she hadn't gotten there during his little break and was on her way up. Just as he looked up at her window again, he saw her walking up to her building. His heart skipped a beat. This was it. The moment of truth. He waited a few minutes longer until he saw the lights go on in her apartment.

...

It had been one hell of a week. Cragen had made her pack up Elliot's old desk and he was pressuring her to start working with the new detectives. They had two rookies now. She would rather just fly solo or ride with Fin but that was out of the question, the Captain had told her. Amanda went with Fin and Nick should go with her. Her moodiness hadn't gone unnoticed and people were starting to avoid her. She sighed as she pushed the door to her apartment open and flicked on the lights. Hello, empty apartment. Here is your equally empty tenant.

She checked the fridge and took out a carton of left over take-out to put it in the microwave. It would probably taste like cardboard but at least she was eating something. She took the carton out after the microwave had pinged and took a bite. Yup, cardboard. She needed something to wash it down with and grabbed a bottle of red wine from a cupboard. She didn't bother putting it in a glass and just drank from the bottle. She frowned when the buzzer announced she had a visitor. Who could it be on a Friday night at this hour?

...

Elliot had been pacing for a few minutes outside before finally pressing the buzzer. He had never been this nervous about anything in his life and he needed to get a grip. He couldn't get angry, even if she started yelling at him. She probably would. Or she would say nothing and kick him out. There was nothing in between. Not with them. He would start by apologizing and then ask her to hear him out. That was the plan. It wasn't much of a plan but since the next steps would depend entirely on her reaction, it was all he had. He heard a click and then her voice, asking who it was. He told her 'It's me' and hoped for the best. There was a long pause and he began to wonder if she was even going to let him in. Then he heard the buzzing sound, indicating that he could open the door. He pulled the door open quickly, before she could change her mind.

...

What the hell was he doing here? He hadn't come over unannounced at all anymore. Not after that night. Her first instinct was just to ignore him and not let him in. Her curiosity won out though. If anything, he had some explaining to do. They both had. She should apologize for that night, for her weakness. Maybe he was here to confront her about it. So they could make a clean break. She almost regretted buzzing him up when she noticed she was shaking. She clasped her hands together to still them and waited.

...

He had just taken a very deep breath when the door swung open. He breathed out slowly and asked her if he could come in. She just stepped aside and waited for him to enter before closing the door behind him. She then crossed her arms in front of her and looked at him, waiting for him to tell her why he was there.

She was feeling much more insecure than she was letting on. She honestly didn't know what to expect. Or what to say to him. So, since he had come to her, she waited for him to speak first.

"Liv ... we need to talk."

He sounded insecure. Almost afraid. Somehow, it empowered her. Just a little.

" _Now_ you wanna talk? After six months?"

"Almost seven."

His words had come out as a sad whisper and he could see in her eyes that this got her attention.

"We can't leave things like this, Liv."

"Leave?"

Her voice cracked and she hated sounding so vulnerable.

"I'm not the one doing the leaving, Elliot!"

"Neither am I. Please, would you hear me out?"

Olivia frowned. Why was he pleading with her? He should just tell her she almost ruined his life so she could tell her she was sorry about what happened. That it should never have happened and that she'd been beating herself up about it all this time. So why was _he_ pleading with _her_? She dropped her arms to the sides and waited for him to speak.

"I'm sorry Liv."

There. He'd said it. The most important thing he had come to tell her.

"For _what_?"

He hadn't expected that response. For what? Well, wasn't it obvious? He sighed.

"Liv, I know we should have talked about it sooner but I didn't know how. I'm just so sorry for taking advantage of you that night. It never should have happened. Not like that."

 _Not while I had nothing to offer you_ , he added in his mind.

Olivia turned around and walked into the kitchen slowly, needing to shield herself from him. She turned around to face him again when she was behind the breakfast bar, and held on to the bar to steady herself.

"You're sorry ... _you're_ sorry?"

He wanted to walk up to her but thought it wise to leave the breakfast bar between them. So he just walked up to the bar.

"Yeah. Of course I am. Isn't that why you're not talking to me anymore? Because I crossed the line?"

Olivia closed her eyes and held on to the bar a little tighter.

"No."

He wasn't sure if he heard her right.

"It's not?"

She shook her head, not trusting her voice right now. _He_ was sorry for crossing the line? _He_ was taking the blame? She was confused and couldn't think. If he thought he was to blame, why hadn't they talked about it?

"Then _why_?"

She opened her eyes at the question, the despair in his voice shocking her.

"You turned into an ice queen around me Liv. What did you expect me to think?"

"You _left_ , Elliot!"

The words had shot out of her mouth before she could think about them. Defending herself was an uncontrollable reflex.

"You _told_ me to!"

Same reflex.

"Well, of course I told you to leave. You have a family El. You should have been with them, not with me."

He took another deep breath and leaned on the bar as well, hanging his head.

"That's why I shouldn't have done that to you."

There it was again. He was blaming himself again.

"I led you on."

He looked up, not sure what she was telling him right now.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I led you on. I seduced you and ..."

She took a shaky breath, blinking rapidly a few times to keep the tears at bay.

"I'm sorry."

There. She'd said it.

"I can't imagine how you must have felt when you went home to your wife and your kids. I'm so, _so_ sorry for doing that to you, El."

The floodgates had opened and it was all coming out. He wasn't her partner anymore anyway, so there was nothing left to lose.

"I clammed up because I felt so guilty. You're _married_ and I came on to you anyway. I was afraid you'd hate me and would want nothing to do with me anymore so I ... I just tried to do my job and make sure you could get home early and ... Well, we never talked about it and you were clammed up too so I just assumed that you wanted to pretend it never happened."

Elliot was shocked. It had never even occurred to him that she might feel guilty about what had happened. In his mind, he had been the one taking advantage of her. Not the other way around. Despite all the things he had seen over the years working at SVU, the man was still usually the aggressor. He knew she'd said yes, many times actually and his cheeks still heated up at the memory. But he should have been the one in control. Even if she wanted it at the time, he should have been the one to realize she would regret it afterwards. Because he was married and they were friends and partners. He had failed to protect her. From himself.

Elliot scrubbed his hands down his face and sighed, looking up at the ceiling while trying to find the right words to say to her. He needed to make this right.

"Liv ... I thought you hated me. I thought you wanted nothing to do with me anymore because I took advantage of you. You were grieving the loss of Calvin and in stead of comforting you and talking to you, I _fucked_ you. How is that right? How could you ever think I would blame you for that? I should have known better. It was totally unfair to you. I had nothing to give you then, and I turned my best friend into an affair. A one night stand."

He took a shaky breath before he could continue.

"You deserve so much better than that Liv."

She wanted to cry. All these months, they hadn't made sense at all. He hadn't blamed her. He had _not_ blamed her. He still cared about her. He'd clammed up out of shame, not because he didn't want her in his life. It was such a complete one-eighty that she couldn't grasp it yet. There was one big question she needed to ask though. Well, actually, two. If she could still talk without breaking down crying.

"Elliot ... how are you and Kathy doing, and why are you retiring?"

He hadn't planned on retiring completely. He had wanted to transfer to another unit so they would be free to pursue a relationship, if that was what she wanted too. How could he explain that to her? She was shaking like a leaf and there was nothing left of the feisty, closed-off, cold Olivia he'd seen over the past months. He still couldn't believe she had blamed herself. But it did mean that there was actually hope that they'd get through this. He had come over, wanting to beg for her forgiveness, not knowing if she could ever really forgive him. But hoping that the friendship they had once shared, might win out over their horrible mistake. The way things were turning out, he believed they might actually have a shot. So he made up his mind.

"Liv, in stead of talking about my retirement and my marriage, would you let me show you something?"

Olivia was trying to breathe regularly and let his question sink in. What could he possibly have to show her? She was still having a hard time wrapping her brain around their situation. He didn't blame her and he still cared about her. And he wanted to show her something.

"Alright. I'm confused but if you think it's necessary, you can show me something."

"You will need to come with me. I can't show you here."

He was relaxing a little and found himself able to take the lead. _It's about time_ , he thought to himself. He'd been a weak coward long enough. It was time to make things right for Olivia and show her how much she truly meant to him.

Olivia dumped her left-overs in the bin and grabbed a jacket. She was partially moving on autopilot but she knew she was in good hands. Even during their winter months, she always felt safe on the job with Elliot. And the temperature had definitely gone up considerably between them. The ice was melting and was threatening to come out through her eyes. How could they both have been so wrong about each other? They were always able to read each other so well, until that night. They had both wallowed in their guilt and it had made them unable to see it in each others' eyes.

...

Elliot gestured for her to follow him down the street and they walked a few blocks side by side. She was quiet, probably digesting the unexpected turn of events. He couldn't wait to show her what he had done these past few months and he was smiling for the first time in a very long time.

Olivia glanced at her companion a few time and noticed the smile on his face. She couldn't help smiling too. She really felt like the long, cold winter was finally over, and she could feel the warmth of the sun on her face again. She had no idea where they were going but welcomed the opportunity to make sense of her thoughts and feelings. It still baffled her how wrong she'd been about Elliot.

Elliot noticed a slight smile on her lips and his heart skipped a beat. How he had missed her smile! He realized that their long, cold winter was finally over and her smile was like the sun, warming his face. It still baffled him how wrong he'd been about Olivia. But he'd never been happier to be wrong than he was right now.

They stopped at a building about six blocks away from her apartment and Olivia looked at Elliot. What were they doing here? She was surprised to see him pull out a key card that opened the door to the building.

"Come on," Elliot said, beckoning her to follow him. "I want to show you my new apartment."

...

...

 **Finally! Wanna let me know how happy you are that they are talking at last? Leave a review in the box below.**

 **Next chapter will be the last one, and it's ready to go ...! 15 reviews or more (from different people, not all guests) to this chapter means I post it immediately so ... you know the drill. See you on the next page :)**


	7. 7: Rescued

**We didn't quite make it to 15 reviews. I forgot this one doesn't have such a large audience as my other story Partners for Life. No need to make everyone wait any longer though, so here is the grand finale of this little story. I'm sure you will love the strings of dialogue in this one ;)  
We are coming full circle.  
**

...

 **7\. Rescued**

 _They stopped at a building about six blocks away from her apartment and Olivia looked at Elliot. What were they doing here? She was surprised to see him pull out a key card that opened the door to the building._

 _"Come on," Elliot said, beckoning her to follow him. "I want to show you my new apartment."_

She wasn't sure how she'd gotten upstairs. She was in a daze. Yet here they were, at the door of apartment 3B, so she must have followed him up. His new apartment? _His_ new apartment?

Elliot knew she was shocked and nudged her until she stepped through the door so he could close it behind them.

"El, what is this? Why do you have an apartment in the city?"

She turned around and saw him smiling widely, but nervously.

"Surprise."

Olivia turned around to take in the living area and the kitchen of the modest place.

"Elliot ... what did you do?" she asked finally.

Elliot walked up to her and suggested they sit. They sat down on opposite sides of the large couch and Olivia looked at him. He was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands together a little nervously. His hands ... his ring. He wasn't wearing it.

"Liv I ... there was a reason that I didn't talk to you about my family anymore. Well, aside from the fact that I thought you didn't want to talk to me," he added with a small smile.

"What was the reason?" she asked, still staring at his bare ring finger.

"Kathy and me filed for a divorce and I didn't want you to know until it was finalized."

He'd blurted it out quickly and was bracing himself for her reaction. When she didn't make a sound, he glanced at her. Olivia had sunk back into the couch cushions, both hands covering her face.

"Liv?"

She couldn't believe it. A divorce? Because of her? She peeked through her fingers and saw Elliot's blue eyes staring at her, slightly panicked.

"You _told_ her?"

Elliot scooted closer to her quickly, hesitant to touch her but needing her to understand.

"No. No, I didn't tell her. We just ... we came to an agreement that our marriage had been over for a long time."

Olivia dropped her hands in her lap and looked at him.

"So ... Kathy doesn't know what happened?"

"No."

"And you're divorced."

"Yes."

"Whose idea was that?"

Elliot knew why she was asking and he knew she'd freak out if he told her it was his idea.

"We decided it together. Liv, you know it's never really been good. You were there."

"But who brought it up?" Olivia insisted and as soon as he opened his mouth to answer her, she jumped up and started pacing.

"You did. You did, because of me," she sighed. "Oh my God."

Elliot stood up as well and walked up to her, so she had no choice but to stop pacing. She stopped but wouldn't look at him. In stead she stared at his Adams apple. Elliot reached for her hesitantly, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"Liv, look at me please."

There it was again. That pleading tone. So she looked up into his eyes.

"Maybe I needed one last push and maybe that had to do with you, with ... with what we did. But it was always going to happen. You believe that, don't you? I just wanted it to be final before I told you." _So you wouldn't be able to stop me_ , he thought.

He dropped his hands from her shoulders and bent over to his coffee table, pulling the drawer out.

"Here," he said, while pulling an envelope from the drawer. "It's final and I'm not looking back. That's why I got this place a while ago."

Olivia didn't need to look in the envelope. She believed him, but she peeked anyway. She spotted his ring at the bottom of the envelope and swallowed. Seeing the ring really made it very final. She handed the envelope back to him.

"Why didn't you want me to know?"

She felt defeated. There was no point objecting. It was a done deal.

Elliot placed then envelope back in the drawer and closed it, while thinking carefully about what he would say next. He put his hands on her shoulders again to emphasize the importance of what he was going to say.

"Olivia."

The use of her full name got her attention and she looked into his eyes again.

"I moved out, divorced my wife and quit my job for one reason, and for one reason only."

Olivia bit her lip. Even quitting had been part of his plan? Could it really be ... after all these months of silence it had all been about _her_?

"What was the reason?" she whispered.

He could feel her trembling and he knew she knew. But he needed to say it. Out loud.

"So we could give _us_ a shot. A real one, not as an affair."

She was taking deep breaths and Elliot waited. When she took a step back, he dropped his hands from her shoulders and braced himself.

"Are you out of your mind?"

 _Here we go,_ he thought.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?!" she repeated, her voice increasing in volume.

"Making all these huge decisions without _any_ input from me? For all you knew, I hated your guts! You could have ended up with nothing at all!"

"I know," he said softly. "If I had talked to you, I was afraid you'd run. Or try to stop me. But I had to try. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try."

Olivia stepped around him and started pacing again, into the kitchen and back.

"But _why_? Because we had sex once? Do you think you owe me or something? Because you don't."

She was flopping like a fish out of water and he didn't know how to save her. Then, as if in slow motion, he registered what she'd said earlier. He spoke slowly as well as he repeated the words back to her.

"What did you mean by 'You _could have_ ended up with nothing at all'? Does that mean that I won't?"

Olivia fell silent again. She wanted him. She wanted to give them a real shot, as he'd put it. There was no doubt in her mind about it. But she only wanted it, if he was in for the right reasons. Not out of guilt or shame or some misguided sense of duty. Elliot Stabler and his eternal sense of duty.

"Liv?"

He wanted an answer. Well, so did she.

"That depends," she said truthfully.

"On what?"

"Your answer to my question. Why?"

Olivia was now leaning against the side of the couch while he was standing three feet away from her. She seemed scared to death of his answer to her question. How could she not know why? He stepped closer to her and she blinked. He made sure he didn't touch her but waited for her to make eye contact before he spoke again.

"Because I love you."

She blinked again. First instinct: deflect.

"You could have fooled me these past six months."

"Almost seven."

He was being sincere. And he was hurting. He thought he'd hurt her and now he was bearing his soul to her. He'd changed his life so it would be able to include her. He loved her. He _loved_ her.

"I love you Liv, and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I wanted to transfer out of SVU but after the shooting, I decided to just retire. Either way, it's because I want us to be together. I want to grow old with you and if I have to leave the job for that, I will. I've been in love with you for years and I thought you knew that. I never meant to hurt you."

Tears were threatening to fall from his eyes now too, and she couldn't bear to see his pain any longer. She stepped forward and grabbed his hands. She wanted to say something meaningful but nothing came to mind.

"El," she sighed.

Elliot bowed his head and closed his eyes, his heart racing after all that had been said. Two tears slid down his face and he felt her hands release his to wipe them off. He opened his eyes to find her face very close to his.

"El," she said again, and when she tilted her head to kiss him, he almost fell forward into her waiting arms.

They kissed passionately, letting loose all the pain and frustration of the past six months - almost seven - as they devoured each others mouths. Olivia tumbled backwards on the big couch and she let out an 'oof' when Elliot fell on top of her. He mumbled 'sorry' while placing his elbows next to her head and then kissed her again. He broke off the kiss though to ask her,

"Liv, what does this mean?"

She could see in his eyes that he knew. But she needed to say it. Out loud.

"I love you too, El. I'm so sorry ..."

Her lips started to tremble and he silenced her with another scorching kiss, until they were both out of breath. Elliot untangled himself from Olivia then, and sat up, pulling her up with him.

"What is it El?" she asked him. "Second thoughts?"

"Hell no!"

He'd given his answer before seeing the smile in her eyes. He laughed and stood up, holding out his hand.

"Come. If this is happening, we're gonna do it right. Not on the couch."

Olivia's stomach clenched at the prospect of being with Elliot again and she let him lead her to his bedroom. In his new apartment. He was a free man now. He had made huge changes in his life so they could be together. It still bothered her that he'd kept her out of the loop the whole time, but her body was sending another message. She wanted him. God, she wanted him. And not just because he had a body like a Greek god but because she loved him. She had been so cold without him.

"No rush," Elliot whispered in her ear as they sat down on his bed, and his voice as well as his words caused goose bumps to form all over her body. They weren't going to fuck tonight. "I want to make love to you," his soft voice added and she knew she would be puddy in his hands.

"I want to make love to you," she whispered back as he eased her on her back.

As they explored each others' bodies, they peeled their clothes off slowly. They took turns leading their sensual slow-dance and took their time finding each others' sweet spots. When they were finally totally naked, Elliot's warm hands caressed every inch of her soft skin while kissing her deeply. He then moved his mouth to her breasts, making sure to give each one an equal amount of attention. Olivia was panting with pleasure already, her mind alternating between memories of their first sexual encounter and the new sensations that were coursing through her body.

They had been frantic and rushed the first time, loosing themselves in a burst of heated passion. They had been all over each other, literally, but were paying more attention this time around. Olivia memorized each firm muscle of his toned body while Elliot memorized each soft curve and strong muscle of hers. And her sounds. The sounds she was making were driving him crazy. She had flipped him over on his back and was making a trail of wet kisses from his chest all the way down to his pelvic region. She was on her knees, her ass high in the air and her breasts scraping his thighs when she looked at him with pure lust in her eyes. She looked like she was ready to take a bite out of something and his breath hitched. She licked her lips and leaned down. He moaned as he felt her tongue flick around his tip once before she closed her lips around him.

"Liv ... careful," he sighed, not wanting things to end prematurely.

She moaned as well as she took him in deeper and he couldn't help it that he bucked up. She came back up and released him with a plop. Then she smiled her beautiful smile, that warmed his heart and several other body parts.

Elliot grunted something unintelligible and sat up, grabbing her and flipping her on her back, again.

"My turn," he growled in her neck and she shivered at the prospect of what he was going to do.

He was starting to move a little quicker, his body feeling an urgency to get on with it. He moved down her body quickly, kissing the skin below her belly button and moving down until he reached the hot, wet center of her excitement. He was sitting on his knees between her legs, and moved his hands down the inside of her thighs, spreading her a little wider for him. He leaned in and Olivia held her breath. Her body jolted when his mouth closed over the most sensitive little part of her body, and he sucked it between his lips.

His brain was flooded with her taste and more sounds he'd never heard her make before, and he was throbbing. She tasted so good and he moaned as he flicked his tongue over her little pleasure bud a few times before moving it down very slowly. She was writhing and making high pitched sounds as she tried to steady his head with her hands.

"El!" she warned. "Oh! S ... stop!"

His head jerked up. Had he gone too far? She lifted her head to look at him and smiled.

"Or this will be over too soon."

He laughed then, and placed one more open mouthed wet kiss on her wetness before moving up her body again.

"Well, we can't have that, now can we," he said, a very sexy edge to his voice.

"We do have all night," she replied, equally huskily.

"We have the rest of our lives, Liv."

His words brought tears to her eyes and she could tell he was affected as well.

"C'mere El," she whispered, pulling him on top of her and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"Make love to me."

And he did. Their foreheads were glued together as he entered her slowly and Olivia suppressed a sob. She was complete again. Elliot kissed the tear away that escaped the corner of her eye and kissed her softly. He pulled back and pushed into her again, with a little more force.

"I love you Liv."

He repeated the movement, kissing her again.

"I love you El."

And again, and they both groaned at the intensity and the depth of the contact.

"Always have."

"Oh ... Always will."

"I ..."

"Me too."

"Liv."

"El."

"Ooh."

"Yeah."

"Oh baby."

"Keep going."

"I love you."

"Don't stop."

"I need you."

"Faster."

"Oh God."

"I love you El."

"Livvv."

"Faster."

"Gah ..."

"Please."

"Yeah."

"Harder."

"Oh God."

"El!"

"Liv!"

"Yes!"

Olivia dropped her feet back on the mattress and dug her heels in to meet Elliot's powerful thrusts, and grabbed the headboard of the bed with both hands. Their words were replaced with low grunts and high pitched pants as they went faster and faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin mixing in with their duet of love, until they reached the first wave of their climax together. Olivia squeezed her eyes shut as she squeezed herself tighter around him, causing an even more intense wave of pleasure for both of them and she arched off the bed, practically stilling in mid-air as it hit them. She gasped as her back hit the mattress again and Elliot thrust into her a few more times before stilling inside her and slumping over her, pushing any air out that was left in her lungs.

Elliot flipped them over once again and as Olivia lay on his chest he enveloped her in his arms. He could still feel the contractions of her body around him and he was still high on his orgasm as her body stilled on his heaving chest.

…

They didn't speak. After a few minutes, after she'd caught her breath, Olivia got up to go to the bathroom. The scene was eerily familiar and he sat up, waiting for her to come back out. He tried not to worry about what might be going through Olivia's mind. It was different now. Their circumstances were completely different and she had admitted that she loved him. She wouldn't run now, would she? Not after tonight. He wouldn't know what to do if she shut him out again. He couldn't lose her again.

Olivia used the toilet and looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was flushed and her hair was a mess. And her eyes were shining. She knew Elliot must be a little worried. She remembered that other night. She'd ducked into the bathroom then, too. She wasn't going to run. Not this time. Where would she go? She was incomplete without him. And she knew he would always run after her. He was never going to let her go. He had rescued her. From her loneliness. From her self-induced solitary confinement. From herself. And she would rescue him right back for the rest of their lives.

When she came out of the bathroom, she was still gloriously naked and smiling shyly. She got into bed again and lay on her side, looking at him. Elliot wanted to reach out to her and touch her face. He smiled and lay back down beside her, caressing her glowing face and gazing into her beautiful brown eyes. He wondered if she was going to stay. He should ask her. He should ask her if she was okay. Before he could say anything, he got his answer.

"Elliot. Quit worrying. I'm not going anywhere."

...

...

 **A/N: I used several lines from the end of chapter one here. How's that for coming full circle? You can see what changed from chapter 1 to chapter 7 by putting both endings side by side and comparing them (if you like).**

 **I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. I will be going back to Partners for Life now, until it's finished. Want to let me know how you liked this ending? Put it in the box below and hit "Post review". Thanks!**

 **...**

 **PS. There's not really a deeper meaning behind this story. It started out with the question what would have happened if 'it' had happened while El was married. Second question was, when it might have happened. Post-Rescue made sense. Third question was, what would be the timeline and it led me straight to El's departure. I thought the plot up in a matter of minutes and the story just wrote itself after that. 7 chapters in as many days. Nothin' more to it, it's just entertainment ;)**


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